For the SOUL

 This is the beginning of my series related to the soul. I had my inspiration when I came back from Bali with a cleaned body and mind and I saw the world from a different perspective. I’ve been always interested in the spiritual, I like observing people and their connections.

         The first drawing started thanks to a rich subconscious. I didn’t know it will turn into something so meaningful for me. When I finished it and started observing and studying the symbolism of the artwork, it started revealing its story. Sometimes I have this way of subconscious drawing. I don’t know what I am doing, but in the end, my mind is telling me so much about myself and things that happened in my life recently. Works a bit like self psychoanalyze.

      This series represents the constant struggle between the good and bad or the two sides of us which we all have. Also, they can be very exaggerated. I like combining different symbols with deep meaning, just as my freedom birds and wisdom trees.

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(1) When the monsters inside your head talk

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(2) Demons

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(3) The weaving and expansion of energy

   (1) The story of this girl starts with her being on the dark side, tied up by her will. She is with the demons because there she feels safe and the world outside can be very cruel if you are overly kind. Those monsters, or demons, represent our vices, bad habits, and behavior. We are often used to them and live well with our bad masks, not showing our real selves. We often hide behind certain behavior and sometimes this is our way to protect ourselves. But sometimes we spent a good time with all these bad things. We enjoy the bad side, it’s fun there...

   (2) Again the demons and the bad side showing up here. But this time she has had enough of all this. She wants to throw the mask and be herself, open her heart for the real feelings. The demons are smiling, they know she has been with them for a long time and it’s not going to be easy to just throw everything at once and change totally. She wants to escape from the monsters, she wants to stop just surviving with the devil’s skin and start living with an angel soul. And all of this comes true when she escapes from the busy London and goes to warm her soul in Bali.

   (3) There, she meets an amazing person who makes the ice around her heart melt. She feels she can fly from happiness. Nature and flowers bloom with the occasion of her new beginning with a new and improved self. She is calming down floating on clouds from happiness while the sun is shining and slowly slowly melting the ice in her heart. She starts falling in love with this new spirit, which was at this place. There she is feeling as in her real home. The flowers on the road are blooming in the name of the new beginning more beautiful than ever. The love is weaving around her with her gentle hands in her web from the kindest and sensual caress. Her soul is expanding in the new sensations and as it seems the ice will soon break and let her heart feel this highest euphoria. There she reaches new highs and her soul is flying with the birds. The sun is so warming that she is melting and that is making her indescribably happy. There she was Real.

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(4) When your soul wants to go somewhere else

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(5) Love and patience

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(6) Diving in your inner universe

(4)It came the moment when she had to go back to the big city. The separation was tough like no other. She was crying like never before. It was hard but you knew that it is for good, because only when you lose something or go far away from it and think again over it, you can realize its real value. …Her soul kept dreaming, quietly and gently, and was waiting for the moment to go back there.

   (5) Unfortunately this is how life works, so she realizes that she has to be patient for the love to come. Might be not written to be with him, but someday she will find someone. Far away from her paradise and the love, she had to have a lot of patience and wait for the moment to go back there. Just as love, drawing mandalas needs patience. Their purpose is to calm and heal. They can be used for meditation, to dive into the depths of your unconscious.

   (6) She was dreaming for him again and was going back there in her thoughts and stealing some memories and sensations. She was warming with them later in the cold days and lighted up the sad ones. She couldn’t stay there anymore. She had to leave as soon as possible. She was starting to hurt from those feelings, but she found a solution – she learned to swim. She was diving in the sweet memories and after that in the salty waters of the sadness. She was diving in herself and her world of imagination and there she was spending most of her time lately. There seemed as her grief was drowning easier. Anyway, she always liked to swim in those bright rivers of color and different shaped waterfalls with strange but good-natured creatures around. But sometimes she was swimming in the demons’ waters as well…

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(7) My world is falling appart

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(8) Better not...

These two artworks represent mainly how sometimes we open our hearts for the wrong people just because we are tired of being alone. The first one was made subconsciously and when I realized all that it meant for me, I was shocked how much it really represents the things that have happened to me lately.

  (7) The house on the rocks represents the safety and stability. But she decides that she wants to experience more, she is tired of hiding and surviving. She wants to open her heart and feel the love. The half head represents that she might never be able to fully go out and trust because she knows that this world can be bad to you. But she tries. She reaches her hand to him and opens her heart, but doesn’t get a positive response. She feels that her world is falling apart when she tries to get out of her rock home.

  (8) The one below represents how she locks her feelings inside, trying to protect herself from the same happening again. Both hands are hers, as she is alone and only she can protect herself. She cries and it hurts. But this rain from bitter tears will make the flowers grow and a new beginning will come sooner than she expects.

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(9) The sunset of the emotions

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(10) The sunrise of the new beginning

 (9) This is the sunset of the emotions when she finally goes over her feelings for him. And it is beautiful because even when she was so sad, getting over those feelings made her grow. This big oil painting brings such a warm feeling when you see it in life. The energy it brings helped me a lot in many cases. When I have been down and blue, I just started staring at it and it instantly made me feel like I am there. I was looking at the sunset and it was healing my pain inside.

  (10) The sunrise of the new beginning is related to each and every blossoming of hers, every stumbling she goes through, not just one particular case. We can grow every day, with every new sunrise we have to be thankful for the lessons from life and the obstacles that make us grow.

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(11) Struggling

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(12) I'm losing my faith

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(13) Lost

(11) Struggling. Dealing with many problems and nothing is going right. You feel that you don’t have any power anymore. Life makes you fall. You fall on your knees hopeless. You feel how you lose yourself in the nothingness and you can’t do anything. Parts of you dissolve in the darkness and the darkness becomes part of you. Slowly you vanish into the depths of the void.

   (12) Next, you lose your faith. You feel like there is no path anymore. You quit (...at least for a moment). You sacrifice yourself for inspiration. After all, you know very well that the best is yet to come exactly after those worst moments. And you secretly like it. You prefer to take the tears and make them your masterpiece. You know that you like the taste of tears and the reincarnational feeling of the catharsis.

   (13) And lastly - being at the bottom. Alone. Depression fulfilling you. You feel like there is no meaning anymore. Your bitter tears fill the river of sadness, that is the only thing you have now. But even reaching the bottom and being lost doesn’t stop you. It is here. That one light of hope that always comes after you have cried enough. You take that black shame and sour tears and see the light in them. That one light of hope, reflecting on your tears and making them shine like gems, lights your path to the new beginning. You have known that river from bitter sadness for a long time. And now you are keeping it safe as it will be your power later.

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(14) Resist the people's sh*t !!!

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(15) Follow your path

(14) You have been down, you have been crying rivers, but as time passes, you learn to resist. You have learned to resist all the people’s shit. They’ve tried to change you and tell you what to do. They might have thought that they are helping you, but what works for them, might not work for you. These people don’t have your way of thinking, they don’t have this world in their head. They have no idea how different you are. They can’t even imagine it. And they can not understand that it is better just to shut up. You resist all of them, becoming better and stronger with every new day.

   (15) You find the power in you to listen to yourself. Yes, that little voice in your head. And you know it is real. You have already seen your other side. It exists. And this lightens up your life. Suddenly you see it in front of you. You see your path. You are sure this is your way and you know what you have to do - to follow it!

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(16) Inspiration and philosophy

(16) Inspiration and philosophy

   This self-portrait is drawn with a cigarette as this is how I am staying after a long day, exactly with this blue sweatshirt thinking about this and that. This is how everything starts. The time with myself lets me think and observe, and rethink, over and over again. Sometimes I think about happy ongoings and I have cheerful ideas. Sometimes I have bad times and my ideas are really dark and depressing, but illustrating my feelings and expressing them with symbols frees me from that lost feeling. As soon as the drawing is on the paper, the pain is away from my heart.   The idea of it really reminds me of Rhoden’s Thinking man. I feel that observing different aspects of the world and thinking about how to put them together, how to use all these thoughts, how to make a difference in the world and make it better, gives my bit to it. A tough process I can say. I am still confused because I go in so many different directions and after all, I am still 21 y/o.

But I can say I am less confused than before because with every new day and every new dosage thinking I get closer to the bigger ideas of combining all the things that I want to do.

   The universe is representing all this variety and limitless of the world and its wonders. As I am thinking and observing all its aspects, I am becoming part of it.